The focus of the work I do is giving people time and attention. I want people to know that they matter. I want them to have the experience of being seen and heard. This happens to be by using the medium of film.
In my coaching training I learned the power of silence. So often we feel uncomfortable with silence. We fill the space with more words, or questions. In doing this we can interrupt the flow or the thought process of the person we are with. This could be a friend, a family member, or a client.
When we move our attention away from ourselves, and our own ego (which may need to offer a solution, ask a clever question, or recount a story from our own experience), and instead really pay attention to the other person, and I mean really pay attention, then we create a different experience.
In this space the person is able to think more clearly and maybe access their own inner wisdom. Do you ever say "I'm just thinking out loud"? Sometimes we don't want answers, we don't want intervention, we don't want suggestions or to be told what to do, we just want to be heard.
Seems simple, doesn't it. It's a basic human need to know that we matter, that we are significant. It's possible to feel this in many different situations but for many the quality of the attention we receive day to day does not fulfil this need.
For me, when I am with someone, but despite their best intention, I am not getting their full attention I can feel it as a physical pain. There are so many possible distractions, things they want to say, ideas and thoughts sparked by what I say, or an issue they are struggling with, I don't feel seen or heard.
There is a quality of connection that creates trust, and safety. To know that what we say isn't going to be judged, criticised, high-jacked or diverted to something about them, is essential for us to be willing to speak about what really matters.
This is the space that I create when I am sitting with someone. It comes from years of experience. I am very aware of when I speak and when I remain silent, I am always learning (I am human!). The silence may feel uncomfortable to begin with but in that silence something new is given space to emerge.
Often in a session with someone they will say they are 'done', maybe they are, but maybe they are not. We'll sit in the silence and see what emerges. Often this is when the deepest insights emerge. Being willing to sit in that space can take courage but the rewards are precious.
Are you able to make time to give your full attention to your loved ones? Do you have someone in your life who makes you feel seen and heard when you are with them? Maybe today notice where your attention is, and who is giving you theirs.
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