This is about me. Today I unravelled. It tried not to. But I did.
The tears finally came. I couldn't do what needed to be done, and I had run out of energy and patience to find solutions to problems. There is no-one here to ask for help. There is no-one to give me a hug. My resilience found it's limit.
As much as I would try and convince myself otherwise, the past 7 weeks of being alone, of being capable and resourceful, and crossing thresholds with my work, have taken their toll.
It is not normal for human beings, even introverts, to spend so long with no physical human contact.
Today, I couldn't continue. I kept trying but everything was against me. Finally I got the message. I needed to STOP. And cry. And crying is what I did. Not as much as perhaps I needed but the beginnings of a good sob.
A release of pent up emotions from weeks of being alone, keeping busy and putting myself out there in the virtual world.
Today I no longer felt I had any choice, and I stopped, and that's okay. The tears flowed, and that's okay. I felt the uncertainty of life, and that's okay. I felt the overwhelm of the pandemic, and that's okay.
My response has been to stop, to snuggle on the sofa with Netflix and a box of tissues and say "it's okay Alison, it'll all be okay". And, I know that it will be, especially when I don't get attached to the detail of what "being okay" looks like.
How is life for you today? When it all feels too much what have you found that works for you? Please share, you may inspire someone to try it out too.
Taking the lead from my lovely friend Michelle, I am starting an experiment and hosting a regular 15 minute zoom coffee call to start the day by connecting with a few others. You are most welcome to join me, I'd love to see you.